shrek pick number 3

John Lithgow: Lord Farquaad


[Shrek enters the tournament]

Lord Farquaad : What’s that? It’s hideous!

Shrek : Well, that’s not very nice.

[gestures to Donkey]

Shrek : It’s just a donkey.

Lord Farquaad : [playing with Gingy’s legs] Run, run, run as fast as you can / You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!

Lord Farquaad : [tossing legs away] I’m not the monster here, YOU are! You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others?

[spits in Farquaad’s face]

Lord Farquaad : I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I’ll.

Gingerbread Man : NO! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!

Lord Farquaad : All right, then! Who’s hiding them?

Gingerbread Man : Okay, I’ll tell you. Do you know. the Muffin Man?

Lord Farquaad : Yes, I know the Muffin Man. W-who lives on Drury Lane?

Gingerbread Man : Well, she’s married to the Muffin Man.

Lord Farquaad : She’s married to the Muffin Man.

Magic Mirror : [telling Lord Farquaad about his bachelorettes] So, just sit back and relax, my Lord, because I’m about to give you today’s three eligible bachelorettes.

[the mirror shows images of Cinderella]

Magic Mirror : Our first bachelorette is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot-tubbing any time. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Let’s hear it for Cinderella!

[changes to images of Snow White]

Magic Mirror : Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the Land of Fantasy. Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy. Just kiss her frozen, dead lips and find out what a live wire she is. Give it up for Snow White!

[changes to Princess Fiona]

Magic Mirror : And last but not least is a fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by a boiling lake of lava! But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing: Princess Fiona! So, who will it be? Bachelorette #1? Bechelorette #2? Or Bachelorette #3?

[Farquaad’s advisors start calling out their choices, with Thelonious saying “#3”]

Magic Mirror : Lord Farquaad, you have chosen. Princess Fiona.

Lord Farquaad : [to his knights] The winner of this tournament – no, no, the privilege – will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Lord Farquaad : Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?

Magic Mirror : Well, technically, you’re not a king.

[Thelonius the Executioner smashes a small looking glass]

Magic Mirror : [nervous] Er, I mean you’re not a king YET! But you can become one! All you have to do is marry a princess.

[Shrek bursts into Fiona’s and Farquaad’s wedding]

Lord Farquaad : Now really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

Princess Fiona : I wanted to show you before.

[turns into an ogre]

Shrek : Well. er. THAT explains a lot.

Lord Farquaad : [revolted] It’s disgusting!

[Thelonius dunks the Gingerbread Man in a glass of milk]

Lord Farquaad : That’s enough! He’s ready to talk.

Lord Farquaad : [Shrek has barged into the tournament] Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre, will be named champion! Have at him!

[all the knights draw their weapons and converge on Shrek]

Shrek : Okay, now. can’t we just settle this over a pint!

[holds up a friendly mug, to no avail]

Shrek : No? All right then! COME ON!

[He bursts one of the ale barrels]

Lord Farquaad : Princess Fiona. she’s perfect!

[a squad of archers aim at Shrek]

Captain of Guards : Shall I give the order, my Lord?

Lord Farquaad : No. I have a better idea.

Lord Farquaad : I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have.

[gets eaten by Dragon]

Lord Farquaad : [Slowly and dramatically to the looking glass] Magic. mirror. on. the wa.

Gingerbread Man : DON’T TELL HIM ANYTHING!

Шрек (2001) John Lithgow as Lord Farquaad










  • 1 Appearances
    • 1.1 Shrek
    • 1.2 Shrek 4-D
    • 1.3 Thriller Night
  • 2 Video Game Appearances
  • 3 Personality
  • 4 Trivia
  • 5 Gallery



Thelonious appears as a minor antagonist. He is a torturer and probably executioner under Lord Farquaad’s service. In the Duloc dungeons he dunks Gingy into a glass of milk to try to make him give up the location of fairytale creatures. When the Magic Mirror tells Farquaad that he isn’t technically the king of Duloc, Farquaad orders Thelonious to intimidate him by smashing a small mirror. When Farquaad is deciding which princess to choose, Thelonious tells him to pick #3 (Princess Fiona), though he actually only holds up two fingers.

At Farquaad’s wedding he is the ringbearer. He attends Shrek and Fiona’s wedding and Shrek’s Karaoke Dance Party, where he seems to have become friends with Gingy; his former torture victim. He also dances and sings along with the crowd.

Shrek 4-D

Thelonious appears in Shrek 4-D, where he has become the henchman of Lord Farquaad again, but during the story he turns on Farquaad and becomes friends with Fiona, Shrek, Donkey, and Dragon. It is shown he can twitch his head like a zombie such as when Fiona attacked him.

Thriller Night

Thelonious appears at the end sitting in the audience of the movie theater in Far Far Away.

Video Game Appearances

Picture of Thelonious in the Shrek the Third video game.

Thelonious appears in Shrek Super Party as a playable character. His largest desire in the game is to take a nice vacation away from the torture chamber. If you win the game as him, he’ll be seen in a makeshift island at the chamber.

Thelonious appears in Shrek Smash and Crash Racing as one of the eight unlockable racers in this game. His kart is the Black Horse and his personal item is a giant stone age axe.

Thelonious appears in Shrek: Fairy Tale Freakdown as an opponent and unlockable champion. His attacks include throwing hand axes, charging at his opponent and punching.

In Shrek: Reekin’ Havoc, Thelonious is a boss fight in the Duloc castle, where he has been named the new king after Farquaad’s death.

A portrait of Thelonious appears in Fiona’s cell in the Shrek The Third video game.


Thelonious, though simple-minded, isn’t really as villainous as he seems. When Fiona and Shrek kiss during her wedding with Lord Farquaad, Thelonious writes “Aawww” on one of the signs used for telling the people on how they should react.

On Shrek 4-D he kidnaps Fiona and takes her to the raft to kill her, but he is doing it only under the command of Lord Farquaad’s Ghost. He accepts Fiona punching him in the face. When she kicks him in the groin, he falls overboard and she apologizes to him. He fell from the waterfall but grabs the branch below it. When Fiona, Shrek and Donkey fall as well, he shows his good side by catching them all in one hand while still holding the branch with his other hand until the branch breaks. When Dragon comes to help them, she takes all of them, including Thelonious.

Thelonious is the (former) secondary antagonist ofShrek. He is Lord Farquaad's former henchman. 1 Appearances 1.1 Shrek 1.2 Shrek 4-D 1.3 Thriller Night 2 Video Game Appearances 3 Personality 4 Trivia 5 Gallery Thelonious appears as a minor antagonist. He is a torturer and probably executioner…